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« JEFF PATERSON - - - Golfing My Way | Home | Second Round - Canadian Tour Championship »
Playing Golf Drives One To Drink And Drive
It's true, this game of golf has a way of extracting both pleasure and frustration from a few short hours spent soaking up fresh air while either waiting for slowpokes or searching for errant tee shots. It is enough to turn a golfer into a poet.
Our intrepid research assistant from the Shuswap, D. Andrews, offers the following rhythmic commentary from that most famous of all literary masterminds, Author Unknown. (Humour)
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By It's Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Yell and Curse And Cry,
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or ! Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
This Golf Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls.:
A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year . . .
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a Year . . .
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
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